Speak (2004)

As part of my vacation in the country, my host thought it would please me to watch her Netflix movies. Not to my surprise, she had one of those YA movies waiting. So we watched Speak starring that lady from Big and Kristen Stewart -- whom you may remember from movies like Layer Cake or that sequel to Sunrise (1927).

This movie was almost 100% dumb, except that it had Steve Zahn and it dealt with serious issues about problems. But then Steve Zahn went and ruined the movie by having a pony tail and telling his students in art class that "This is the place where you can find your soul." Barf. Combined with all the teen angst, mediocre script, and terrible-with-a-capital-T acting, I pretty much barfed all over myself when I watched this movie. Oh well.

1/5 pizzas

Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)

Alright, imagine my reaction to this scene in the movie -- maybe you've heard of it? Dude, Where's My Car? That reaction, which is of shock, horror, and disgust, represents how I feel about this whole movie. This photo is review enough.

As you may know, this movie is full of offensive things: The use of the homophobic F word, objectification in the worst ways [see above photo], the glorification of the Frat boy/stoner as hero, racist jokes concerning Asian Americans, and my personal favorite, the classification of an MTF transgender stripper as "gender challenged." Great Job, Jesse and Chester. Also, the plot was super silly, and I don't think I laughed once. Now, you may be thinking that I am being too harsh on this movie, and that I just don't like movies of this ilk. AU CONTRAIRE! May I remind you that Can't Hardly Wait and Austin Powers continue to be on my Top Whatever Lists. So there.

So why did I watch it? I got it for <$1 from my neighbor's garage sale. She won't let me return it either.

0 fucking pizzas