30 September 2009

Carnival of Souls (1962)

I guess this is one of those cult horror classics that was made for $20. With an organ-filled soundtrack, Carnival of Souls tells the story of a lady who is accused of having hallucinations and hysteria [of course]. She is an organist for a church, but doesn't believe in god. She is probably a demon! Once when she was making out with a dude, he turned into an even uglier dude. Scary!

The acting is terrible, the plot is terrible, the suspense is terrible. This movie was pretty fun!

3/5 pizzas

Good Dick (2008)

Here is a movie I never heard of until yesterday. After hearing the title, I figured it was one of those dumb movies that most people like. It is maybe an independent movie, based on the illustrated credit sequence and David Lynch-esque horrifying soundtrack of beeps and boops. Anyway, it sounded REALLY good. The premise is that one eccentric lady is agoraphobic [maybe?] and never leaves her house unless she goes to get a big gulp or hits up the movie store. [This should be sounding very familiar, reader]. A dude [John Ritter's son] falls in love with her [barf] because he loves movies and he works at the video store. Sounds okay, right? Barf. This movie is neither endearing nor romantic. The dude basically stalks the lady, forces himself into her apartment and gradually into her bed, and, of course, teaches her how to love by harassing her into it. Great.

Oh, and by the way, the movies aren't just movies. They're pornos. Not even good ones. The only good thing about this movie was that Martin Starr had a beard. That's hot!
2/5 pizzas

29 September 2009

The Basketball Diaries (1995)

In 1997, I made a vow to see all of Leonardo DiCaprio's movies. Over the years, however, I forgot about my quest and made seeing his body of work [besides Titanic] less of a priority. Anyway, I forgot that The Basketball Diaries existed until today when my pal recommended we watch it. The flick is about Jim Carroll -- a dude who went to Catholic high school, was pretty okay at basketball, and got into drugs and then his life went to pot. Then he started a punk band. Leo does an okay job of portraying him, but it's really hard to see him foaming at the mouth from heroin withdrawal. Oh, by the way, Leo is BFFAEFL with Mark Wahlberg in this. Hot!

The best thing about this movie is that it features a shot of Carmel's apartment building in the Bronx! [It's the brown one on the right]. She and Leo breathed the same air. Sigh!
2/5 pizzas

28 September 2009

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

Does not like! This movie was too silly for me, even though it tangentially deals with second-wave feminism.

I do have to say that this scene was pretty pretty adorable:
And ahem ahem it looks like Ron Burgundy and I have 100% correlation on beer choices:
2/5 pizzas

The Sound of Music (1965)

Oh hey! Isn't time I blogged about my second-favorite musical that I quote daily?! People, here it is. I obnoxiously sang along to every song with Sade. Every song! There's not much to say here except a trip to Salzburg and a Sound of Music tour seem in order.

5/5 pizzas

Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

Another Saturday night watching a Meg Ryan movie! Nah, just kidding. That's not my life yet. I do live in Seattle, though. And I did actually watch this on a Saturday night -- not alone, like a loser, but with Carmel. She's completely obsessed with this movie and forgot how about 75% of it is barfarific.

What I do like is that this movie is directed by a lady. Unfortunately, it does not take a feminist approach to romance or relationships. Additionally, its climax is inspired by An Affair to Remember -- a mediocre yet totally tragic Cary Grant movie.

Some things I didn't like: Tom Hanks' doofy facial contortions; Meg Ryan's frumpy dungaree and khakis ensembles; my current haircut is slightly similar to Rosie O'Donnell's 1993 haircut. That's not hot!

3/5 pizzas

Monty Python's Life of Brian (1979)

Man, two Monty Python movies in one week? I finally got to see two of the biggest movies of all time! I thought I'd be a 100% hater, but I totally wasn't. This movie, like Holy Grail, was pretty funny. I'm no D&D teenage boy or anything, but these movie are not bad. John Cleese is also pretty pretty hilarious.

I like to think of them as British predecessors to Austin Powers. They're full of bathroom humor, sex jokes, historical commentary, people playing multiple roles --- basically all the elements I love from Austin Powers. For example, I heard myself snorting when a character kept mentioning his old Roman pal Biggus Dickus. Latin jokes are so funny!

3/5 pizzas

High Sierra (1941)

Another movie where Bogie is a gangster? Man, I feel bad for that fella. He was more type-cast than Freddie Prinze Jr. as an illiterate teen heartthrob! Here's the deal: This movie was just okay. To be frank, I thought it was a tad boring. I can't really recall the plot, except that Humphrey is a ex-con who gets involved with a bank robbery deal and murders some folks. Not too original, right? The excitement actually peaks during the treacherous mountain-climbing scene at the end [hence the title].

Another thing: It was nice to see what Ida Lupino looks like [because I just never have time to Google Image Search her].

3/5 pizzas

Adventureland (2009)

I finally got a chance to catch this, and I'm glad I did! So what if it features a Replacements song in the credits? I'm not biased. I thought this was really good. Besides taking place in the 80s and sporting the talents of Martin Starr [he's the best, isn't he?], this movie actually really reminded me of Freaks and Geeks. It's kind of about relationships and making out, but it's also about depression and problems and living in a land-locked town.

Also, having just graduated from a university and having found a minimum wage job, I can totally identify with James, the protagonist. Plus I love David Bowie and Big Star just like he and Em do! Best friends!


SLC Punk (1998)

A movie about punk rock in the 80s?! Yes, please! Blue, green, and black combat boots? That sounds okay. After the credits, however, I realized this movie was pretty dumb. It's about people who are obsessed with their identities as punx to realize that they are unintelligent, and just not special. All they do is philosophize about anarchy? and corporate control. No big deal, guys. Lots of people think about these things; lots of people dye their hair blue [who are way cooler than you]. You're not that great, Matthew Lillard!

One good thing about this flick: a young, dweeby Jason Segel.
2/5 pizzas

World's Greatest Dad (2009)

I'm confused about my feelings for this movie. At first, I absolutely hated it. It seemed entirely too sad and way too dark. Examples: Robin Williams is a failed writer who is a high school poetry teacher. He only has 3 or 4 students in his class, however. And he's a bit tubby. And he's actually a bad writer. Sad, right? Okay, now we learn that Robin's son is a huge asshole: he says the F word every five minutes, beats off with the door open, and is misogynistic, homophobic, and racist. Something terrible happens, and it's super dark and sordid, and maybe it's supposed to be funny. Anyway, the movie gets a little better because Robin does some morally questionable things and takes pleasure in that. The movie doesn't actually get better until the end: when Robin Williams swims NAKED and we see his D!

The most important thing about this movie was its usage of a song I usually hate because Queen is involved in it. The application of "Under Pressure" in this movie, however, was fantastic -- played at the exact right moment. It was World's Greatest Dad's saving grace. Great job, BowQueen.

2/5 pizzas

26 September 2009

Surrogates (2009)

Somebody got oooooooooold. That's okay. Everybody ages. No big deal. You know who aged really well? James Cromwell! He's in this movie too. Thank god! Besides an excellent car chase scene and the privilege of looking at a total hottie, this movie was a bit lame.

It does present an extremely attractive-looking future for me, though. Think about it -- what if we all had the option of being 100% agoraphobic, wearing our pajamas all the time, never leaving bed, and having "surrogates" live our lives for us? By the way, our doubles could be way hotter and could do parkour all of the time. Very attractive, right? Right.

Another okay thing about seeing this movie was that it was free. My wife has a very prestigious job and often gets free passes to red carpet events, so we got to see this for free! Before the screening started, a radio DJ decided to be a jerk and throw free tshirts at people. The way people could win a prize was to name any 4 Bruce Willis movies [besides Die Hard 1-4]. Guess how hard it was for people to do this? Nearly impossible.