Solaris (1972)

Oh my god, this movie was really long! I know that Tarkovsky is a big deal and all, and that this is every person's favorite movie, but I DID NOT LIKE IT. Maybe I just don't like a plotless movies. Maybe I'm not metaphorical. Maybe I'm turning into a dudebro who only watches Austin Powers and drinks Miller High Life. Oh well. These Russians are just way to esoteric for a blockhead like me.

2/5 pizzas

Black Peter (1964)

This is one Milos Forman's [One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Hair, Amadeus] first movies, and for a dude who makes blockbuster crowd-pleasers, this movie was hella inaccesible. It's an early Czech classic, and my first viewing of a Czech film, so cool. The movie on the whole, however, is very dull. I guess you could call it Czech neorealism with a touch of artsy fartsy, but neorealism is often boring. The protagonist is a teenage boy who works in a grocery store, hangs out with his friends in bathing suits, goes to dances, and gets yelled at by his father. This doesn't sound THAT bad, but when I have to watch a scene that is 20 minutes long of just dancing and no talking, that's when it gets bad. 80 minutes and I'm bored to bits. Sorry, Milos. I much prefer Treat Williams writhing with no shirt to the sounds of the 5th Dimension. And may I remind you that Hair is a musical!

2/5 pizzas