The Tresure of the Sierra Madre (1948)

Uh yes hello! This is one of my favorite Humphrey movies! It's about greed! And capitalism! And friendship! [And the racist portrayal of many a latino man]. Just in case you are a crazy person and haven't seen this movie, it centers around 3 dudes who go looking for gold back in the day. The best character is the old man Walter Huston! Guess what? He's John Huston's [the director's] father! Anyway, he talks a mile and minute and totally schools the two young'uns about greed.

Other facts about this movie: John Huston makes a cameo and a gila monster takes over the desert.

4/5 pizzas

Uptown Saturday Night (1974)

Holy shit. Sidney Poitier directed this movie, and it stars him and Bill Cosby . . . as best friends! They make a pretty good team, and they are both lookin like babes [N.B. Bill Cosby has a beard]. Okay, here is the plot: Sidney is married to a lady and he has just started his vacation from a lame job. Cabdriver Bill suggests the pair go to a snazzy club called Zenobia's, but after they arrive they get robbed. OH NO! Sidney loses a winning lottery ticket that was in his wallet. In order to try to find the ticket, they have to pal it up with criminals, private eyes, and preachers.

As always, I am left weak in the knees from Cosby's charm and charisma. Did I mention he has a beard in this?

3/5 pizzas

Marathon Man (1976)

OH MY GOD. This is one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Not only is Dustin Hoffman looking like a babe in jogging shorts for most of it, but his character is tearin' shit up too. Plus he's doing his dissertation, so no big deal. All I can say is that I was on the edge of my seat from the first five minutes, and even though it's a tad long [over 2 hours], I didn't feel antsy once. One of my friend's friends tests a movie's quality based on how sore her bum is by the end, or rather, if she notices how sore her bum is. Well, suffice it to say that I forgot I even had a bum. This movie is close to perfect -- splendid acting from Dustin, Roy Scheider, William Devane [who looks just like my grandpa], and of course Mr. Dr. Sir. Laurence Olivier as the Nazi Szell [pronounced Zell]. In all the best movies, the Nazis have last names similar to mine. Just sayin'.

Besides having a gripping, coherent plot, fantastic acting, and New York as its setting, Marathon Man is shot beautifully. I gasped [well, in my head] repeatedly during the movie, thinking just how gorgeous that baby carriage looked after that explosion, or how rad that lighted fountain in that office park was. Nice job, John Schlesinger. Make another movie with Dustin already [I like to imagine they are best friends.]

I just have one question, and I think you all know what it is: Is it safe?

5/5 pizzas, BOOM!