Those Moving Pictures

The Final Stretch

2009-12-14T19:37:00.010-05:00

As we are in our last month of the year, those of us who are crazies are approaching the end of our fiscal movie-watching year. What does this mean? Some of us had originally endeavored to reach 365 [piece of cake], and now the over-achievers are trying to reach 500. In order to do so, I need to watch over 50 movies in 16 days. No problem. As part of this rigorous program, I am also trying to squeeze in all the modern classics that I missed out on.

What I'm actually trying to say is that I probably need to blerg less as to watch more movies. What I'll be doing is only writing in depth about the most noteworthy movies [like The Room and Robocop].

Here are some movies I have watched:

Death Proof (2007): Full of patriarchy, yet Zoe Bell is the best thing about this movie and all movies. 3/5

Breaking the Waves (1996): Lars Von Trier is an okay director when he is not documenting torture porn and patriarchy. Emily Watson is spectacular in her first movie. 3/5

Precious (2009): A movie with black people? That'll never get popular. This movie was very upsetting and definitely worth watching. Mariah Carey is in it too! 4/5

Labyrinth (1986): I finally watched the most important movie from 1986. Jennifer Connelly + the plot ruined it, but Mr. Bowie saved it. He reminds me of a babe! 3/5

Muppet Christmas Carol (1992): Everyone's favorite rendition of the Dickens classic, Muppet Christmas Carol is also Michael Caine's second best movie! 5/5

Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol (1962): Everyone's second favorite rendition of the Dickens classic, starring a Millionaire. 4/5

Popeye (1980): The character of Olive Oyl was created for Shelley Duvall. Fact. 3/5

The Shining (1980): Another Shelley Duvall classic, this was my first viewing of this movie. I loved it because it was great. 5/5

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998): This movie is so over-rated. It gave me a thousand strokes when I watched it. It's so abrasive, and not just because it's supposed to be. 2/5

Dream a Little Dream (1989): A Corey + Corey classic! That is, Corey(Haime + Feldman). 2/5

The 'burbs (1989): I have never really seen Tom Hanks in 80s-tastic movies with big dogs, so I figured I'd watch this. It's just okay. 2/5

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975): This is probably the biggest movie I have never seen. Who knew it was so sexual? I was shocked! Shocked! Even though it was a musical, I didn't hate it. Plus, Susan Sarandon in her undies! And Tim Curry in ladies' undies? Excellent. 3/5

Blues Brothers (1980): This movie put Chicago on the map as a major city. Also, it's jam-packed with guest stars! 4/5

Splash (1984): Possibly the worst movie I've ever seen, Splash tells the patriarchal and paternalistic love story of Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah [a mermaid]. She learns to be human by giving her body to Tom Hanks and getting a Bloomingdale's charge card. Great! 1/5

Down and Out in Beverly Hills (1986): This movie is just okay, but I still think Bette Midler isn't the worst actor in the world! 2/5 pizzas

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964): This was my first MST3K movie, and it was pretty fun. Santa and space? That's kind of cool. 3/5

Up in the Air (2009): I pretty much hated this movie, and I'm not sure why a lot of my friends didn't. The message is all "People who don't want to get married don't have a soul. Eventually they will be worn down when they find true love." Oh also, let's squeeze in some poignant moments about the tough economy. Do not like! 1/5

Heaven Can Wait (1943): An Ernest Lubitsch movie with Gene Tierney that was just okay. 2/5

Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009): Not one of my favorite Wes Anderson's, but still gorgeous and really fun. Also, it stars the hottest couple in town. 4/5

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993): Believe it or not, this was my first viewing of this movie. This movie is all "Halloween! Halloween! Christmas! Christmas! Halloween Halloween!" 2/5

Die Hard (1988): Obviously the best Christmas and Action movie ever, featuring the best Christmas song. 5/5

My Best Friend's Wedding (1997): More like my WORST friend's wedding! I only watched this as part of my modern classics series. By the way, this movie blows. 2/5

Saving Private Ryan (1998): More like Saving Ryan's Private! This was my first viewing of this, and besides being a tad long, I thought it was really powerful and upsetting. 4/5

The Lonely Guy (1984): Probably the saddest movie I've ever seen! These guys are so sad and lonely, especially Charles Grodin. 4/5

Shanghai Surprise (1986): I saw this as part of a series illustrating Madonna's terrible acting skills. In fact, her acting is garbage. And so is Sean Penn's. Not only is this movie terrible, it's racist! Good fun. 3/5

Coyote Ugly (2000): This movie is garbage too! 2/5

Hold That Ghost (1941): My favorite Abbott and Costello movie that no one else seems to like that much. Maybe they are not that funny? Nah. They're the best. 4/5

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001): Probably the best movie of all time, and! it's a Wes Anderson movie with a Black Person! 5/5

Old School (2003): Luke Wilson takes a way lamer role than the last movie I saw him in. Do not like. 2/5

Lethal Weapon (1987): It still surprises me that they let Mel Gibson be in a movie with a black person [you too, right?]. This movie is still the bomb, Danny Glover is super rad, and Darlene Love is an excellent addition. Something I really love about the plot is that the team doesn't care about how many people they kill on their mission. Boom. 5/5

The Blob (1958): Having being obsessed with Steve McQueen in The Great Escape, I finally got a chance to watch another of his movies. The Blob is real fun and real cheesy. Great job! 4/5

Annie (1982): Barf! 2/5

OSS 117 2: Lost in Rio (2009): A bangin sequel to a bangin movie. Jean DuJardin is French Austin Powers meets Don Draper. These movies are the best! 4/5

Stand By Me (1986): Last month, I had not seen Corey Feldman in any movies. After this week, I will have seen all of his famous ones. This movie was just okay. Obviously, its plot and acting are a bit weak, and they say the P word way too much. I guess the soundtrack is nice and it's kind of fun. 2/5

Synecadoosh, NY (2008): I love this movie for many reasons: It stars my boyfriend Phillip Seymour Hoffman, my girlfriend Samantha Morton, and my grandma Dianne Wiest. Another reason I love it is because after viewing it 3 times, I still don't know how I feel about the movie. 4/5

Muppet Family Christmas (1987): As a child, this was the Citizen Kane of Christmas movies. Here's why: Not only do we get to celebrate Xmas with ALL of the muppets on Fozzie's mom's farm, but the Sesame St. cast and the Fraggle Rock cast also show up for some hangouts! 5/5

Flirting With Disaster (1996): Despite having a star-studded cast of Ben Stiller, Patricia Arquette, Alan Alda, Lily Tomlin, Tea Leoni, and topless Mary Tyler Moore, this movie was pretty lame. 3/5

The Goonies (1985): First-time viewing, last-time viewing. 2/5

Fantasia (1940): Dinosaurs! Centaurs! Composers! 4/5

Dead Poets Society (1989): I'll watch anything once in which Robin Williams recites Walt Whitman. 3/5

Animal House (1978): I finally watched this! Frat humor is not my favorite, nor is making jokes about molestation. Oh well. At least it had some Motown. 2/5

Billy Madison (1995): Completely lame, except for the appearance of Norm MacDonald. Adam Sandler is so annoying! 2/5

Hostage (2005): I love hostage movies to begin with, but this is truly intense. Even though Bruce Willis is old (right?), he still kicks ass and works to resolve a double hostage situation [basically single-handedly]. You're probably thinking this sounds a little like Die Hard, but I ask you, Does Die Hard star Willis's awkwardly tweenish daughter Rumer? I think not! 5/5

40 down, 54 to go.

Solaris (1972)

2009-12-07T15:30:00.003-05:00

Oh my god, this movie was really long! I know that Tarkovsky is a big deal and all, and that this is every person's favorite movie, but I DID NOT LIKE IT. Maybe I just don't like a plotless movies. Maybe I'm not metaphorical. Maybe I'm turning into a dudebro who only watches Austin Powers and drinks Miller High Life. Oh well. These Russians are just way to esoteric for a blockhead like me.

2/5 pizzas

Le Samourai

2009-12-04T23:41:00.003-05:00

Turns out this movie IS NOT about samurais! It's about a dude named Jef Costello who is not fat nor from New Jersey. He is a gangster in France who kills a dude, gets apprehended by le police, and looks like a babe while doing it! That's all. This movie was pretty okay.

3/5 pizzas

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

2009-12-03T22:45:00.004-05:00

It's another marvelous collaboration of the Dream Team: Kurt Russell and John Carpenter! Maybe you remember a couple of their other movies that take place in major cities? Well this one takes place in San Francisco, or Chinatown. As many racist action movies of its ilk, Big Trouble has a ridiculous plot: The guy on the right is bringing his soon-to-be bride on the right to America. She is kidnapped by the evil Lo Pan and his crew, so Jack [the man in the un-sexy tank top] goes to save her. Kim Cattrall is along for the ride; she's just some do-gooder.

They go into some underground lair to battle Eastern mysticism. I guess they're too busy doing that too smash racism. There is some kick-ass kung fu, though.

3/5 pizzas

The Tresure of the Sierra Madre (1948)

2009-12-03T20:31:00.001-05:00

Uh yes hello! This is one of my favorite Humphrey movies! It's about greed! And capitalism! And friendship! [And the racist portrayal of many a latino man]. Just in case you are a crazy person and haven't seen this movie, it centers around 3 dudes who go looking for gold back in the day. The best character is the old man Walter Huston! Guess what? He's John Huston's [the director's] father! Anyway, he talks a mile and minute and totally schools the two young'uns about greed.

Other facts about this movie: John Huston makes a cameo and a gila monster takes over the desert.

4/5 pizzas

Last Life in the Universe (2003)

2009-12-03T03:09:00.004-05:00

I finally got a chance to see this movie almost 3 years after a library patron recommended it to me when I worked at a certain media center. Turns out it was pretty neat. The protagonist is an obsessively neat librarian dude who often tries to kill himself -- not in a serious way, but more in a Harold of Harold and Maude way. Anyway, he meets this lady in the library who is reading a Japanese comic book. This takes place in Thailand, by the way, and the guy is a Japanese immigrant. And the lady speaks Japanese. It's pretty perfect. He's neat, she's sloppy; he's quiet, she's loud; they both like noodles. It's basically the Thai Odd Couple.

Please do watch this movie. It's strange and offbeat and pro-librarian.

4/5 pizzas

The Circus (1928)

2009-12-03T01:55:00.003-05:00

Here is another big-deal Chaplin movie that I hadn't seen! He plays some character called "The Tramp." I guess that's a thing for him. He falls for a lovely lady [Merna Kennedy] and accidentally joins the circus to woo her. There are trapezes, monkeys, acrobats, you get the idea. It's lovely and fun.

4/5 pizzas

Viva Las Vegas! (1964)

2009-12-03T01:35:00.005-05:00

For a person who has a billion problems with Elvis and who also really doesn't love his music, I have an irrational love for Elvis movies. You know, Paradise Hawaiian Style, Blue Hawaii, and of course, Viva Las Vegas! I hadn't seen this in years and it was really nice to rewatch it. Okay, I don't have enough space to address the patriarchy that imbues this movie. Obviously Elvis movies = heteronormativity, exploitation, objectification, racism, etc. These are problems. What I do want to talk about is the great songs in this movie. I guess this is a musical, and I guess you can add it to my list of two. Besides the theme song, it features many a great duet with Ann Maragret.

I'd like to point something out: You know how lots of people JUST wear leggings and a shirt and think that's okay? As if leggings are just pants? Guess what, they are not! Pants are pants, leggings are tights, people. This was a huge problem at my university, and I blame it one Ann Maraget. See below:

3/5 pizzas

Good Hair (2009)

2009-12-03T01:14:00.005-05:00

Okay, this movie was interesting. I didn't love it, but it did address some pretty big issues: like privilege, racism, capitalism, and gender identity. As you may know, Chris Rock is a pretty hilarious fellow. I laugh at most of his jokes. He made this movie [that barely played anywhere, by the way] about what "good hair" is. Mostly, this means "white-looking" hair. Racism is everywhere, unfortunately. Chris explores what it means for black women to relax their hair with mysterious relaxer, and how this relates to race and gender identity. This is really interesting. About 50% of the movie interviews celebrities and non-celebrities about why they do their hair the way they do.

Then, I got a little bored. The other half is dedicated to hairdressing competitions that take place in Atlanta. This part is not really interesting for me.

Then, I got perturbed. The latter part of the interviews centered around The Weave and just how much money some women and men spend on having fake hair [usually imported from India]. So now we are dealing with race, gender, and America's and 2/3's world countries' socio-ecomonics. Anyway, the problem for me was the movie's framing of the weave issue. It was all "Ugh, women are so capitalistic. They shop so much! They spend 1000s of dollars on their weaves. They date men so that they will pay for their hair." Problems!

All in all, this movie was pretty important and worth it. Ahem, did I mention that it features a modern-day Salt 'N' Pepa??!?!?!?!?
3/5 pizzas

The Lost Boys (1987)

2009-12-03T00:51:00.007-05:00

Turns out other important things happened in 1987 besides the birth of the author of this blog. This movie is totally awsome and I totally did not know it existed until this year! It stars like one billion celebrities: Kiefer Sutherland, both Coreys [Haim + Feldman], Jami Gertz, Edward Herrmann!, and Dianne Wiest. Star-studded, right?

Maybe everyone has seen this movie, but if not, let me explain. It's a vampire story. The people who look like punks are vampires, the normies are threatened by the vampires, and some people are conflicted. Everyone looks really foxy with their George Michael ensembles and crucifix earrings. Well, I guess the vampires didn't have those, but they did have dangley ones.

The best thing about this movie was that we saw it at Seattle's best theater: Central Cinema. For the screening each audience member received a goody bag including confetti, poppers, bubbles [to blow when Corey H. is in the bubble bath], and a kazoo [to blow when anyone in the movie says the name "Michael"]. Hint: That is a lot of times!

Also, let me tell you: this movie has one of my favorite movie theme songs:

4/5 pizzas

Cooley High (1975)

2009-12-03T00:34:00.004-05:00

Shiiiiiiiiiiit. This movie is pretty fun! It's basically a really okay coming-of-age-story of some teenagers in Chicago. They're black, though, so it's not quite American Graffiti. I guess one could call it Black American Graffiti. Anyway, these fellows are kind of mischievous, kind of badasses, and really sweet. Besides being a lot of fun and sporting some excellent soul music, Cooley High does something that possibly NO OTHER MOVIE has ever done or can ever do: It connects Welcome Back Kotter and The Wire! Look at the two stars to the right. One is Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs [maybe you remember him on that wacky Nick at Nite TV show as Freddie Boom Boom Washington?]. The other is, BOOM, Glynn Turman, or Mayor Royce from The Wire! Both dudes are actin' up and lookin' foxy at the same time. Watch this movie!

4/5 pizzas

The Orphanage (2007)

2009-11-30T23:18:00.003-05:00

Here is a movie that I have never heard of, and that I thought was directed by Guillermo Del Toro. Fact: It was not directed by him, but by a dude named Juan Antonio Bayona. I liked this movie just okay and didn't really think it was that sad, contrary to popular belief. The deal is that this movie is of the science fiction drama. A lady loses her son who maybe has imaginary friends. Weird supernatural things happen, and also HIV/AIDS is important to the plot. Oh yeah, the lady's house was an old orphanage, and it's probably haunted by the trauma of past orphans. I guess watch this movie if you want. The protagonist is a pretty awesome lady [Belen Rueda], and she's easy on the eyes [not to be patriarchal or anything].

3/5 pizzas

28 Days Later (2002)

2009-11-30T22:56:00.006-05:00

Finally, I am watching some actual zombie movies! As part of our Halloween movie marathon, we watched this fine piece of British cinema. Even though Danny Boyle directed it, I really liked it. As you may imagine, I spend a fair amount of time thinking about the zombie apocalypse with my peers. The frequent consensus is that all of us would be too fat to run, and thus we would die or become zombies. I'm fine with that, because nothing is worth running to exhaustion, right? Plus, Carmel makes a good point that maybe it would be okay to be a zombie. 1. One would not know one was a zombie, and if one did, what would the big deal be? 2. Who wouldn't want to run around and eat all day? Eating is so fun.

4/5 pizzas

Les Diaboliques (1955)

2009-11-30T22:27:00.009-05:00

This movie is a perfect followup to Psycho -- almost as perfect a double feature as It Takes Two and New York Minute. Les Diaboliques does to bathtubs what Psycho did to showers. That is, it makes you want to take one so you could interact with hot murderers. Don't even tell me you haven't had dreams about Anthony Perkins? Or Ms. Simone Signoret? The deal is these people are babes, so you should watch both these movies.

Anyway, Les Diaboliques is one of my favorite movies. Directed by Henri-Georges Clouzot, it stars two ladies [Clouzot's wife Vera Clouzot and the afore-mentioned Simone] who are plotting to kill a dude who has wronged them. Maybe they kill him, maybe they don't, maybe he haunts them, I don't want to ruin anything. Let me just tell you that this is pretty creepy and pleasantly suspenseful. Also, it's way French and way the inspiration for Hitch's 1960 masterpiece.

5/5 pizzas

Psycho (1960)

2009-11-30T21:34:00.004-05:00

You guys ever heard of this movie? It's way famous. Actually, it's one of my favorite Hitchcocks, probably because I made a cameo in it [see above]. Obviously, you know this movie is the best. The Best! The reason why this particular Psycho viewing was extraordinary was because we saw it at the Symphony! With The Queeeeen! Well, she wasn't there, I guess. The orchestra did play the soundtrack and it was really swell. I guess Seattle does have something to offer that New York doesn't.

5/5 pizzas

Planet Terror (2007)

2009-11-30T21:15:00.005-05:00

Isn't it time I saw these here Grindhouse movies? As I heard, Planet Terror is the way lessor of the two flicks, and a way lame zombie movie. Robert Rodriguez is still not my favorite, and this film still has a bunch of patriarchy that I can't really swallow. Like in the opening scene, or almost any other scene. Some parts were really slammin, though --- like how Rose McGowen has a machine gun for a leg! Or how Freddy Rodriguez is a superb twerp. Or how Bruce Fucking Willis is in this! One thing is for sure -- Zoe Bell is not a part of this.

2/5 pizzas

Guess Who's Back? and Antichrist (2009)

2009-11-30T20:50:00.004-05:00

Geez, fellas, I'm sorry I've been away from the internet for over a month [not that you've noticed]. I guess I've been interacting with humans a lot [it's good for my social development?] along with watching a couple of awesome tv shows. Also, Friendsgiving happened, so that was a thing that took a lot of non-blogging time. Excuses, excuses. Here's the deal: I finally broke 400 movies.

Way back in October I saw a little movie called Antichrist. It's directed by a d-bag named Lars Von Trier. He's kind of a big misogynist, yet I still have the urge to watch his movies. Maybe we've all seen Antichrist at this point, and we've all read our friend's post about it, so I won't divulge too much. This movie is about the woods, doin it, misogyny, and the devil. Here is a picture of a place in Vancouver that pretty much looks like where the movie took place [outside of Seattle, P.S.].

2/5? pizzas

The Ox-Bow Incident (1943)

2009-10-27T18:17:00.003-04:00

It took me 45 minutes to realize that I had already seen this movie about 10 years ago. I guess that's kind of indicative of the quality of the movie -- it's pretty dull. Think of this movie as Western-style 12 Angry Men: 3 dudes are accused of murder, and Peter Fonda defends their innocence, as the rest of the gang is pretty gung-ho about hanging them. I will say that the film's climax [whether these guys will live or die] is pretty emotional.

Oh yeah, and Anthony Quinn plays an ambiguously ethnic brown person in this.

2/5 pizzas

Uptown Saturday Night (1974)

2009-10-27T17:58:00.004-04:00

Holy shit. Sidney Poitier directed this movie, and it stars him and Bill Cosby . . . as best friends! They make a pretty good team, and they are both lookin like babes [N.B. Bill Cosby has a beard]. Okay, here is the plot: Sidney is married to a lady and he has just started his vacation from a lame job. Cabdriver Bill suggests the pair go to a snazzy club called Zenobia's, but after they arrive they get robbed. OH NO! Sidney loses a winning lottery ticket that was in his wallet. In order to try to find the ticket, they have to pal it up with criminals, private eyes, and preachers.

As always, I am left weak in the knees from Cosby's charm and charisma. Did I mention he has a beard in this?

3/5 pizzas

The Descent (2005)

2009-10-27T15:42:00.003-04:00

I finally watched this! Talk about excitement: an all-lady cast [except for that one glimpse of a dude], getting lost in caves, fighting Problems that exist down in the caves, and sometimes having British accents! The deal is these ladies are Adventurers and would rather explore unexplored caves than go shopping like normal women. Weird, right? Anyway, things go awry, maybe they get lost, and maybe they are being hunted by The Darkness. In any case, I've never seen a bunch of badasses like these laydees. And by the way, this was pretty scary.

4/5 pizzas

Nashville (1975)

2009-10-27T14:51:00.003-04:00

Well, I guess I'm making my way through Mr. Altman's movies, as this is my 4th one viewed this year. After reeling from my disdain for Shortcuts and scratching my head in response to 3 Women, I was pretty surprised that I enjoyed one of Altman's longest movies. Actually, I was pretty fond of Nashville. The sweet sounds of country western tunes + Lily Tomlin + Jeff Goldblum on a tricycle + Elliott Gould playing himself + profound sadness? These are some pretty excellent ingredients for a great movie.

Okay, okay, I know Nashville's close to three hours long and I usually squirm after 90 minutes. Maybe bifurcating the movie to watch The Descent influenced my level of enjoyment a bit.

4/5 pizzas

Piccadilly (1929)

2009-10-27T14:40:00.004-04:00

Okay, I watched this movie because some feminist blog or another mentioned it and said it was okay. Made in 1929, Piccadilly tells the story of a dishwasher-turned-dancer [Anna May Wong]. Thumbs up, movie, for having an Asian protagonist who is a lady, and two thumbs up for actually employing an Asian woman [unlike every other movie]. Netflix's description promised exciting sex, murder, and nudity [the DVD sports the image of a topless woman], but guess what? No nudity, no sex, and only the mention of a murder. This movie was intensely disappointing and felt like four hours instead of two.

2/5 pizzas

Black Dynamite (2009)

2009-10-27T14:21:00.003-04:00

Oh shit! This movie is tight, people. It's pure fun. And I don't even love blacksploitation movies all that much. Sometimes they are boring and don't have enough nudity. Black Dynamite is the best, though -- without an egregious amount of breast exposure and zero amounts of boring. Maybe this is disrespectful to Marvin Van Peebles, but I think Black Dynamite could be in the running for my favorite b'sploitation movie.

Oh, by the way, the film is a spoof of blacksploitation films and filmmaking styles. Black Dynamite fights crime, cleans up the streets, and opens countless cans of whoop-ass. Boom!

5/5 pizzas

The Furies (1950)

2009-10-26T21:28:00.006-04:00

Look at this broad. Isn't she great? I was glad to see my lady friend in this film because I claim to love her, but maybe I've only seen about five of her movies. Well, this one is a western, and as you can tell, she dresses like a cowboy -- wearing pants a lot, not riding side saddle, etc. The main plot is that she lives on a ranch called "The Furies." Her father is a big deal wealthy man who owns everything in sight. Also, maybe he wants to do it with his daughter. Ick! Too bad, papa, because she is busy doing it with everyone else. Moral of this movie: Barbara Stanwyck wants what she wants [in her words] and fucks it [my words].

I'm not a huge fan of this movie, but it definitely picks up in the second half when shit goes down between Barbara and Judith Anderson. I guess my biggest complaint with this flick is that its title - THE FURIES! - is spoken by the characters about 10,000 times within the first 45 minutes. This is off-putting for some reason. I mean, on The Wire they only say the word "wire" like five times.

3/5 pizzas

Gimme Some Truth: The Making of John Lennon's Imagine (2000)

2009-10-26T21:15:00.003-04:00

I'm not really sure how this was made in 2000, but the footage is definitely from the 70s. I know this mostly because John is alive, Yoko is in hot pants, and Phil Spector doesn't have scary looking hair. Also, he is not in jail because he is producing this album.

I'll love anything that has to do with John Lennon, so I'm definitely biased, but I did like this movie. It was neat to see this footage and hear John being an asshole sometimes.

4/5 pizzas

Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars (1973)

2009-10-26T20:49:00.005-04:00

This guy is the best. I finally saw this concert movie, and it was definitely fun. Bowie sports many costumes and no eyebrows for the whole concert. Can he be any more of a babe?

I also was glad to see our friend Ringo Starr backstage with Davey.

4/5 pizzas

The Great Dictator (1940)

2009-10-26T20:17:00.004-04:00

You guys, this movie is like so satirical. And this guy, Charlie Chaplin, he is so smart. And funny. Look how he's holding a baby!

Anyway this was my first viewing of this movie and it lived up to its reputation.

4/5 pizzas

Pierrot Le Fou (1965)

2009-10-26T20:01:00.006-04:00

Ugh, another Godard movie? When will I get it an just put an end to this misery? Alright, that expression of intense suffering may be a small overstatement, but I really don't care for Godard. Maybe this makes me a naive, provincial student of cinema; maybe this makes me a decent human being. Anyway, I watched Pierrot with an open mind. Jean-Paul Belmondo + Anna Karina are probably the most beautiful French actors from this era, so that made the movie a bit more palatable.

The main idea of this movie is that JP and Anna team up and act as French Bonnie and Clyde and rob people [not banks] and sometimes sing songs. They are unsavory characters despite being total babes. That's probably the only thing they have in common besides being pricks.

2/5 pizzas

Where the Wild Things Are (2009)

2009-10-26T19:45:00.007-04:00

Uh yes hello. We've all been waiting for this movie forever, just like we have been waiting for some other movies. I am pleased to say the wait was worth it, and I actually really really enjoyed this movie. Even though it starred a child [ick, right?], I totally dug this story. While some people thought it was lacking, I really thought WTWTA was gorgeous, fun, and just the right amount of melancholy. Thank you, Spike Jonze, for making this movie and for allowing my two favorite HBO characters to interact with each other.

And yes, I will go on the record and say I don't hate when Karen O sings songs. She's from NJ, after all.

4/5 pizzas

Sin Nombre (2009)

2009-10-26T19:15:00.004-04:00

This movie was way more disturbing than I thought it would be. Also, it was just plain good. The main plot is that Willy is in a terrible gang and some shit goes down and he has to flee. Meanwhile, Sayra [the woman above] wants to immigrate to the US and has to make the trek through Honduras, Guatemala, and Mexico. This movie reminds you that everything is terrible, including the fact that the ultimate destination of Sayra's immigration is New Jersey.

4/5 pizzas

Glen or Glenda (1953)

2009-10-26T13:18:00.005-04:00

This movie was way wacky. Maybe I am kind of getting into watching Ed Wood movies, but I probably won't consume them at a rate quicker than 1 per month. Anyway, this movie is pretty odd. It's hosted by Bela Lugosi ala Masterpiece Theater. He tells the story of Glen/da, who is a man transitioning to be a woman. I guess this is loosely based on Christine Jorgensen's story, also.

Going into this, I thought the narrative would inevitably be transphobic, at least with posters advertising it as a "strange" case of a "man." Most of the film does treat Glenda as a freak, but there are a couple of glimpses into Ed Wood's maybe interesting opinions about trans issues. As far as I know, he was into wearing ladies' clothes, but he still identified as a man. Once or twice in the film, the narrator makes it clear that changing your gender does not make you weird, strange, or unnatural. He even states that humans do a lot of unnatural things, like drive cars or wear make up, so why is changing one's gender so wrong?

P.S. This movie is #366 this year, so I guess I've surpassed my goal of watching 365 movies.

3/5 pizzas

The Mortal Storm (1940)

2009-10-25T19:17:00.004-04:00

Hey! Look! It's two people who are great, together for the second time! Recommended by Carmel, The Mortal Storm is an out-of-print flick from 1940. It's hella rare, people. A video store in Seattle requires a $150 deposit to rent it.

It was great to see it, but honestly this movie was a bit dull and really strange. The deal is that Jimmy and Margaret are young folks in almost-Nazi Germany. All their pals, including the illustrious Robert Young, are wayyy into the Nazis. Only the best movie couple in town + Frank Morgan choose to resist. Resistance is difficult, though, because it tears families apart -- just like Yankee/Mets feuds.

I was really pleased to see the old MGM crew back together in this, but it's probably not worth watching if you're not me or two others.

2/5 pizzas

Birth of a Nation (1915)

2009-10-25T19:04:00.003-04:00

Why did I watch this? It's 4 hours, it's incredibly racist and problematic, and the majority of the story is boring. I suppose it's way famous and maybe seeing at least one Griffith movie is required of me. One thing is true: You'll never get me to watch Intolerance, D.W. Never.

1/5 pizzas

I'm No Angel (1933)

2009-10-25T18:43:00.007-04:00

To indulge in a lame rhyme, Mae West is the best. This was my first of her movies and she's like obviously one of the coolest ladies of the 1930s. Not only did she star in this, but she wrote both the story and the screenplay. Super rad! Playing a character that I assume she plays in most of her roles, Mae is a woman who wants what she wants and fucks it. Sorry for the expletive, Mom. As the movie progresses, what she wants is Cary Grant. They got mad sexual chemistry, people. It's pretty fun to watch. In addition to Mae being sex positive, she is smart as a whip and a witticism-producing machine. One of the movie's best is "Honey, when I'm good, I'm good. But when I'm bad, I'm better." Oh, did I mention this was pre-Code?

3/5 pizzas

A Serious Man (2009)

2009-10-25T18:36:00.004-04:00

You guys ever heard of the Coen Brothers? They like made The Big Lebowski and stuff. They have a new movie about being a dude who can't catch a break. Also he is Jewish and has Problems everywhere.

In all [ahem] seriousness, I did think this was really well-made. Really. Go see it. Those Bros. also reminded me that sometimes Jefferson Airplane can really groove you.

5/5 pizzas

Zombieland (2009)

2009-10-25T18:22:00.003-04:00

Much of this post will be similar to those of other interneters, especially to the ones written by folks with whom I saw the movie. As pretty much a zombie novice, I went into the theater gung ho to enjoy watching the consumption of human flesh. I was also excited to maybe see a zombie movie spoof. There are better parodies, people. We all know what they are. Unfortunately, I am biased against Woody Harrelson; I just don't like him. I was okay with Jesse Eisenberg's character, but I do think that he would be more of a believable recluse if he were a tad chunkier.

Things I liked include: celebrity guest appearances, a cowboy/girl motif, the usage of lists, and a major shout out to the brilliance of Titanic (1997) from Mr. Harrelson. Too bad these enjoyable aspects could not trump multiple occurrences of patriarchy and a mediocre plot.

Sorry, Zombieland and sorry, Jesse. I'll await your next film -- maybe it will be Tomorrowland or Frontierland.

3/5 pizzas

Babette's Feast (1987)

2009-10-25T15:19:00.003-04:00

Maybe this is the first Danish movie I've seen? I can check that off my list. I watched this because it was maybe famous, as I've seen its posters in places that care about hoighty toighty movies, and more importantly, because a pal-o-mine who loves Little Women owned it. To be frank, I didn't love the movie -- it was too lengthy and pretty much dull. Despite its sparseness, Babette's Feast takes a turn for the better when Babette actually cooks her, um, feast. Babette feeds a group of pious old folks who are way against indulging in epicurean desires. These dudes got burnt, though, because they really indulged in the pleasures of the flesh, or the tongue, I guess. These puritans got downnn.

2/5 pizzas

A Clockwork Orange (1971)

2009-10-25T04:16:00.007-04:00

How was I ever allowed to graduate adolescence without seeing this flick? That's right, lady and gentleman, I recently watched this incredibly mediocre movie for the first time. I won't write extensively on this at all. Maybe I'll tell you the things I didn't hate about this movie:

1. Suspenders are prevalent among the characters, so cool.
2. A couple scenes take place in a movie theater.
3. When it was over, I didn't have to watch it anymore.

Sorry, Kubrick. Maybe I only like one or two of your movies.

2/5 pizzas

The Amityville Horror (1979)

2009-10-25T01:34:00.003-04:00

Hey Lois Lane! I guess your actual name is Margot Kidder, and I guess you made other movies besides Superman. Recommended by a horror connoisseur, Amityville Horror is not all that scary of a movie. No, I didn't watch it at night or by myself, but it still wasn't that scary. The deal is that a house is maybe haunted and a nice family featuring Barbra Streisand's husband lives there. A priest tries to help them, but the forces of evil are at work. Moral of the story: Don't move into a house if it is too cheap and never go into a basement.

2/5 pizzas

Ed Wood (1994)

2009-10-25T01:21:00.005-04:00

Isn't it time I saw this movie? I know Tim Burton has only made one other good movie [also about an Ed], but geez I should've gotten to this earlier. This one was pretty swell. Having only seen Plan 9 From Outer Space, I was not familiar with Edward D. Wood, Jr., so this movie was edumacational. 5 points. Next, it featured a SATC cast member. 5 points. It's a movie about movies, so 5 more points, and it features tales about other actors too [Bela Lugosi, people]. 5 points. Now add Johnny Depp looking like a babe, a narrative that maybe briefly addresses gender in a non-horrible way, and low-budget horror flicks and you got yourself a movie that has racked up a 1000 points. Okay, 4/5 pizzas. But seriously, this was pretty fun.

4/5 pizzas

Innocence (2004)

2009-10-25T00:57:00.004-04:00

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this movie. I had been wanting to see it for a while since it it was written/directed by a laydee and stars grrrls. Okay, I guess I can say "girl" here because these actors are under 12 [except for Marion Cotillard who, yes, is in this.]

I guess one could call this artsy fartsy, but I would say it's just French. The basic plot, although plot is of minimal importance for Innocence, focuses on an all-girls French school where decorum, systems, and mystery abound. Maybe some people disappear, maybe some strange sexual tension always exists among the students and teachers, maybe it's a tad slow for my liking. The imagery, however, is gorgeous and the soundtrack is quite quiet, which I like. All I know is that this fortress of solitude school sounds way better than my all-grrrls high school. Yes, I admitted it.

3/5 pizzas

Children of a Lesser God (1986)

2009-10-19T14:41:00.004-04:00

Bless me father. It has been about 3 weeks since my last movie confession, but sometimes I need a small break. Plus since everyone and their holy mother has a movie blog now, I figured the internet would be okay without me. I guess it was always already okay without me. Anyway, I've watched some movies and I will tell you what I think.

As you may know, I was quite taken with a certain cheesy television show staring 8 lesbian Samantha Joneses. Naturally, I was impressed with many of the splendid actors' performances, including Pam Grier and Marlee Matlin. I was all, "Huh, I haven't seen Marlee in anything besides Seinfeld. Lemme try this." I mean, she won an Oscar for it, so maybe it would be okay.

At best, this movie is just okay. William Hurt teaches at a school for deaf teens, and Marlee is the janitor. She is also deaf. Guess what, Love overcomes all and they make it. She is a spitfire and he is earnest. Isn't that sweet? Bored!

2/5 pizzas

Foxy Brown (1974)

2009-10-06T04:37:00.006-04:00

Foxy Brown is a whole lotta woman! Did that sound too objectifying? I apologize. Foxy Brown, however, is a great character! And Pam Grier is a super badass. The plot is pretty gritty --- there's drugs, kidnapping, rape, murder, halter tops, physical comedy, wild goose chases, all your basic ingredients for a pretty okay blacksploitation film. I have come to the conclusion that Jackie is the better of the two Browns, but this is definitely worth watching if you love Pam Grier and hella action.

3/5 pizzas

Whip It (2009)

2009-10-06T04:20:00.007-04:00

"I've wanted to know, once again, what love is. I wanted Drew Barrymore to show me. She did."

---An esteemed professor at a university

Thank you for saying that, dude. That's kind of how I feel. This movie taught me how to love. Like, you know, true love. True love! Okay, I need to chill.

Let's start again. I do believe that this is my favorite movie of 2009. Although Thirst and Moon were fabulous, I enjoyed watching Whip It way more. I think I was beaming the whole time in the second row of the theater. Why, you ask? Well, because this movie was about: 1. A bunch of lady protagonists being empowered, 2. Feminisms, 3. Excellent excellent combat roller derby, 4. Rock and roll, 5. Alia Shawkat.

Need I say more? I know, I was worried about Drew Barrymore making a movie too. I thought maybe it'd just be about a hare krishna monk daydreaming about butterflies and incense, but she actually did a great job. Save some small anti-feminist plot flaws and absence of lesbianism in a clearly queer arena, this movie was absolutely fabulous. Exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And always remember: When a problem comes along, you can [go see] Whip It.

5/5 pizzas

Funny Ha Ha (2002)

2009-10-06T04:02:00.005-04:00

I hate this movie because it thinks its so cool inventing its own genre and using 16mm film and all. Barf. For those of you who have not seen this movie, don't. Yes, I know you'll protest and say "It's important." And I'll say "It's important for you not to watch another movie with an all white cast.

I guess the worst thing about this movie is that it is about boring folks who do lame things -- like hang out and work in temp agencies and never say anything non-trite and usually wear all-beige ensembles. Sooooooooooo boring, right? Besides taking place in Boston [a place I used to know], the only okay thing about this movie is that its protagonist is a lady.

Try harder, mumblecore. And I don't mean with movies like Mutual Appreciation.

2/5 pizzas

The Brown Bunny (2003)

2009-10-06T03:51:00.005-04:00

See that billboard? Yah, that's a real live billboard featuring a real live BJ. It's okay, though. I bet Chloe Sevigny came to Vincent Gallo and was all "Hey, I would really like to go down on you. Let's film it."

NOT. I'm convinced that Vincent Gallo made this movie just so he could A. Display his large penis on screen and B. Prove that he could film a non-simulated blow job. The actual sex scene was very unsettling -- not because it's difficult to watch oral sex performed on Vincent Gallo [that's fine, whatever]. It's the weird power trip Gallo goes on in the scene. He importunes Chloe to proclaim, over and over, how much she wants his big D and how hot she is for him and how he is so great etc. etc. Gross.

The rest of the movie is quite silent and just films Gallo motorcycling across the country. Brown Bunny is the gross/extra-misogynistic/sexualized/boring Easy Rider, minus the rock and roll.

1/5 pizzas

Son of Rambow (2007)

2009-10-06T03:40:00.004-04:00

Cute! For a person who really doesn't care for Rambo: First Blood [or at least the excerpt I could bear to watch], I pretty much liked this flick. It's basically an omage to Rambo, except starring better actors who are 20 years younger who never even heard of Vietnam. They're British blokes, too. My biggest complaint for this movie is plot related: How could two children of limited means get their hands on such a snazzy video camera?

I wish I had a British childhood where I was allowed to go outside by myself, or at least one where I had a best pal to make remakes of my favorite movies with. Instead of Sly movies, I would do the Great Escape [a picture that is actually good]. I guess I could've just done that in the dingy part of my basement by myself, playing Steve McQueen + Charles Bronson. I mean, Mike Myers plays all the roles himself . . .

4/5 pizzas

Night and Fog (1955)

2009-10-06T03:28:00.007-04:00

Man, what a not fun movie to watch right before you go to sleep. I maybe didn't know what this movie was about, only that it was directed by Alain Resnais -- a dude who directed another movie I like. Anyway, I found out this was maybe the first Holocaust documentary made. It's only 30 minutes, but it's incredibly powerful and disturbing. Although he does show a bit of film footage, Resnais mostly uses stills and narration to reveal the horrors of concentration camps.

Very disturbing, very worth watching, very insomnia-causing.

4/5 pizzas

Carnival of Souls (1962)

2009-09-30T04:44:00.006-04:00

I guess this is one of those cult horror classics that was made for $20. With an organ-filled soundtrack, Carnival of Souls tells the story of a lady who is accused of having hallucinations and hysteria [of course]. She is an organist for a church, but doesn't believe in god. She is probably a demon! Once when she was making out with a dude, he turned into an even uglier dude. Scary!

The acting is terrible, the plot is terrible, the suspense is terrible. This movie was pretty fun!

3/5 pizzas

Good Dick (2008)

2009-09-30T04:33:00.004-04:00

Here is a movie I never heard of until yesterday. After hearing the title, I figured it was one of those dumb movies that most people like. It is maybe an independent movie, based on the illustrated credit sequence and David Lynch-esque horrifying soundtrack of beeps and boops. Anyway, it sounded REALLY good. The premise is that one eccentric lady is agoraphobic [maybe?] and never leaves her house unless she goes to get a big gulp or hits up the movie store. [This should be sounding very familiar, reader]. A dude [John Ritter's son] falls in love with her [barf] because he loves movies and he works at the video store. Sounds okay, right? Barf. This movie is neither endearing nor romantic. The dude basically stalks the lady, forces himself into her apartment and gradually into her bed, and, of course, teaches her how to love by harassing her into it. Great.

Oh, and by the way, the movies aren't just movies. They're pornos. Not even good ones. The only good thing about this movie was that Martin Starr had a beard. That's hot!
2/5 pizzas

The Basketball Diaries (1995)

2009-09-29T03:43:00.003-04:00

In 1997, I made a vow to see all of Leonardo DiCaprio's movies. Over the years, however, I forgot about my quest and made seeing his body of work [besides Titanic] less of a priority. Anyway, I forgot that The Basketball Diaries existed until today when my pal recommended we watch it. The flick is about Jim Carroll -- a dude who went to Catholic high school, was pretty okay at basketball, and got into drugs and then his life went to pot. Then he started a punk band. Leo does an okay job of portraying him, but it's really hard to see him foaming at the mouth from heroin withdrawal. Oh, by the way, Leo is BFFAEFL with Mark Wahlberg in this. Hot!

The best thing about this movie is that it features a shot of Carmel's apartment building in the Bronx! [It's the brown one on the right]. She and Leo breathed the same air. Sigh!

2/5 pizzas

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

2009-09-28T18:11:00.008-04:00

Does not like! This movie was too silly for me, even though it tangentially deals with second-wave feminism.

I do have to say that this scene was pretty pretty adorable:
And ahem ahem it looks like Ron Burgundy and I have 100% correlation on beer choices:
2/5 pizzas

The Sound of Music (1965)

2009-09-28T05:18:00.006-04:00

Oh hey! Isn't time I blogged about my second-favorite musical that I quote daily?! People, here it is. I obnoxiously sang along to every song with Sade. Every song! There's not much to say here except a trip to Salzburg and a Sound of Music tour seem in order.

5/5 pizzas

Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

2009-09-28T05:02:00.005-04:00

Another Saturday night watching a Meg Ryan movie! Nah, just kidding. That's not my life yet. I do live in Seattle, though. And I did actually watch this on a Saturday night -- not alone, like a loser, but with Carmel. She's completely obsessed with this movie and forgot how about 75% of it is barfarific.

What I do like is that this movie is directed by a lady. Unfortunately, it does not take a feminist approach to romance or relationships. Additionally, its climax is inspired by An Affair to Remember -- a mediocre yet totally tragic Cary Grant movie.

Some things I didn't like: Tom Hanks' doofy facial contortions; Meg Ryan's frumpy dungaree and khakis ensembles; my current haircut is slightly similar to Rosie O'Donnell's 1993 haircut. That's not hot!

3/5 pizzas

Monty Python's Life of Brian (1979)

2009-09-28T04:49:00.006-04:00

Man, two Monty Python movies in one week? I finally got to see two of the biggest movies of all time! I thought I'd be a 100% hater, but I totally wasn't. This movie, like Holy Grail, was pretty funny. I'm no D&D teenage boy or anything, but these movie are not bad. John Cleese is also pretty pretty hilarious.

I like to think of them as British predecessors to Austin Powers. They're full of bathroom humor, sex jokes, historical commentary, people playing multiple roles --- basically all the elements I love from Austin Powers. For example, I heard myself snorting when a character kept mentioning his old Roman pal Biggus Dickus. Latin jokes are so funny!

3/5 pizzas

High Sierra (1941)

2009-09-28T04:26:00.005-04:00

Another movie where Bogie is a gangster? Man, I feel bad for that fella. He was more type-cast than Freddie Prinze Jr. as an illiterate teen heartthrob! Here's the deal: This movie was just okay. To be frank, I thought it was a tad boring. I can't really recall the plot, except that Humphrey is a ex-con who gets involved with a bank robbery deal and murders some folks. Not too original, right? The excitement actually peaks during the treacherous mountain-climbing scene at the end [hence the title].

Another thing: It was nice to see what Ida Lupino looks like [because I just never have time to Google Image Search her].

3/5 pizzas

Adventureland (2009)

2009-09-28T03:47:00.005-04:00

I finally got a chance to catch this, and I'm glad I did! So what if it features a Replacements song in the credits? I'm not biased. I thought this was really good. Besides taking place in the 80s and sporting the talents of Martin Starr [he's the best, isn't he?], this movie actually really reminded me of Freaks and Geeks. It's kind of about relationships and making out, but it's also about depression and problems and living in a land-locked town.

Also, having just graduated from a university and having found a minimum wage job, I can totally identify with James, the protagonist. Plus I love David Bowie and Big Star just like he and Em do! Best friends!

4/5

SLC Punk (1998)

2009-09-28T03:18:00.006-04:00

A movie about punk rock in the 80s?! Yes, please! Blue, green, and black combat boots? That sounds okay. After the credits, however, I realized this movie was pretty dumb. It's about people who are obsessed with their identities as punx to realize that they are unintelligent, and just not special. All they do is philosophize about anarchy? and corporate control. No big deal, guys. Lots of people think about these things; lots of people dye their hair blue [who are way cooler than you]. You're not that great, Matthew Lillard!

One good thing about this flick: a young, dweeby Jason Segel.
2/5 pizzas

World's Greatest Dad (2009)

2009-09-28T02:52:00.002-04:00

I'm confused about my feelings for this movie. At first, I absolutely hated it. It seemed entirely too sad and way too dark. Examples: Robin Williams is a failed writer who is a high school poetry teacher. He only has 3 or 4 students in his class, however. And he's a bit tubby. And he's actually a bad writer. Sad, right? Okay, now we learn that Robin's son is a huge asshole: he says the F word every five minutes, beats off with the door open, and is misogynistic, homophobic, and racist. Something terrible happens, and it's super dark and sordid, and maybe it's supposed to be funny. Anyway, the movie gets a little better because Robin does some morally questionable things and takes pleasure in that. The movie doesn't actually get better until the end: when Robin Williams swims NAKED and we see his D!

The most important thing about this movie was its usage of a song I usually hate because Queen is involved in it. The application of "Under Pressure" in this movie, however, was fantastic -- played at the exact right moment. It was World's Greatest Dad's saving grace. Great job, BowQueen.

2/5 pizzas

Surrogates (2009)

2009-09-26T20:05:00.003-04:00

Somebody got oooooooooold. That's okay. Everybody ages. No big deal. You know who aged really well? James Cromwell! He's in this movie too. Thank god! Besides an excellent car chase scene and the privilege of looking at a total hottie, this movie was a bit lame.

It does present an extremely attractive-looking future for me, though. Think about it -- what if we all had the option of being 100% agoraphobic, wearing our pajamas all the time, never leaving bed, and having "surrogates" live our lives for us? By the way, our doubles could be way hotter and could do parkour all of the time. Very attractive, right? Right.

Another okay thing about seeing this movie was that it was free. My wife has a very prestigious job and often gets free passes to red carpet events, so we got to see this for free! Before the screening started, a radio DJ decided to be a jerk and throw free tshirts at people. The way people could win a prize was to name any 4 Bruce Willis movies [besides Die Hard 1-4]. Guess how hard it was for people to do this? Nearly impossible.

2/5

Baby-Sitters Club (1995)

2009-09-24T03:20:00.004-04:00

Okay, okay -- so I maybe remember more than a few lines from this movie and maybe I watched it more than once in 1995. I didn't read the books though. That would be way lame.

Anyway, here is why I kind of like [or like like like] this movie:

1. Directed by a lady! Melanie Mayron is the best actress from 1987-91 and she is my favorite character on Thirtysomething.

2. Peter Horton is still a babe! He's also from Thirtysomething, but more importantly he cares about sustainability. He loves electric cars, y'all.

3. Okay, I changed my mind. I barfed all over myself because this was so corny.

4. The only way to redeem this movie is to read it as a tale about a bunch of little lesbians exploring their sexuality at lesbian summer camp. There is a lot of flannel. Come on, people. I'm right here.

3/5 pizzas

Sept. 1-Sept. 21 Recap

2009-09-08T16:47:00.007-04:00

Okay, here is the deal. I have been a terrible interneter in the past 3 weeks -- mainly because I moved, started working full-time, and did not have the internets at home until last Thursday. I really don't feel like blogging about the back log of 30 movies that I watched, so I'm just going to give a snippet of a review for each one. This is my blog and I can do whatever I want, so deal with it, 5 readers. In other news, I'm about 30 movies away from reaching my 365 goal, but I'm slowing down a bit because I've been abducted by some television shows. Whatever, here goes.

Julie and Julia (2009): 3/5 pizzas; only Julia Child's story was interesting

Con Air (1997): 5/5; BEST MOVIE EVER

Butterfield 8 (1960): 3/5; Elizabeth Taylor lookin fine in a boring movie

Mon Oncle (1958): 2/5; too wacky, too French

Battle of Algiers (1966): 4/5; first-time viewing, very powerful
A Hard Day's Night (1964): 5/5; one of my all-time favorites; The Beatows!

3 Days of the Condor (1975): 5/5; Basically the gentile version of Marathon Man, this was extremely exciting. Robert Redford was lookin fine, even though he hates poor people at Sundance.

Return of the Jedi (1983): 4/5; first-time viewing, and my least favorite of Episodes IV - VI

Amelie (2001): 5/5; one of my all-time favorites; it's too bad everyone I love hates this movie

North by Northwest (1959): 5/5; FAVORITE MOVIE EVER; CARY GRANT>JIMMY STEWART

Dazed and Confused (1993): 1/5; besides it's awesome, mostly-Kiss soundtrack, this movie was dumb and patriarchal

Mrs. Miniver (1942): 2/5; incredibly boring movie about British folks; too bad the actors weren't British

American History X (1998): 2/5; shock value for the sake of shock value

Virgin Spring (1960): 2/5; a lessor favorite of Bergman's

Smokey and the Bandit (1977): 3/5; a 9/11 tradition; watching and singing along is fun, but the movie is just okay

My Left Foot (1989): 3/5; Daniel Day-Lewis is the bomb; this movie is just okay

(500) Days of Summer (2009): 2/5; I barfed all over myself during this viewing; SOMEONE ELSE IS NOT YOUR SOULMATE IF THEY LIKE THE SMITHS. MOST PEOPLE LIKE THAT BAND.

Death Wish (1974): 2/5; Jeff Goldblum is a RAPIST in this???? My heart breaks.

Murder! (1930): 3/5; an unmemorable early Hitchcock; I couldn't remember I had already seen it until half-way through it

Skin Game (1931): 2/5; another ealry Hitchcock; boring borign boring; not about racism, surprisingly

Short Cuts (1993): 2/5; One of Robert Altman's longest movies; I decided I'm not a fan of his

Rich and Strange (1931): 2/5; an even more boring early Hitchcock

Big Fan (2009): 5/5; one of the best movies of the year; just as sad as the Wrestler, but even more gritty. Staten Island

Pootie Tang (2001): 3/5; Chris Rock is pretty funny sometimes

Big Man Japan (2007): 3/5; some great monster fights, but the non-fight parts were boring

The Red Shoes (1948): 2/5; how did I not know this was a musical-dancical???

The Petrified Forest (1936): 4/5; Humphrey + Bette Davis = a charismatic cast

Manxman (1929): 2/5; an even more boring Hitchcock; maybe I am getting close to finishing his flicks

Dont Look Back (1967): 3/5; Bob Dylan a narcissistic bloke in this. Don't be so mean to Joan Baez!

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975): 3/5; first-time viewing. Finally! I don' t hate it. I even loled.

Ace in the Hole (1951): 2/5; even though Billy Wilder is one of my faves, this movie was pretty much a let down.

Total: 31. Boom!

The Hurt Locker (2009)

2009-09-07T21:02:00.003-04:00

I was a big fan of this movie going in. A movie about the Iraq war directed by a lady? Excellent. It basically lived up to its reputation [a reputation formed from 3 or so friends] that it maybe will be the best film about the war in Iraq. Besides being very tense, The Hurt Locker did a good job about making you remember that everything is terrible and a lot of people die.

The best thing about this movie experience was that I saw it in my favorite? Seattle theatre, and that just as this violent movie commenced, my nose starting gushing blood. Crazy!

4/5 pizzas

Casino (1995)

2009-09-07T20:39:00.003-04:00

This movie was 3 hours. That's way too long for a movie that is just trying to be Goodfellas in Las Vegas. I was bored! Also, Bobby D. is supposed to be 43 in this movie, and he looks about 70. What's wrong with this picture?

2/5 pizzas

Tony Manero (2008)

2009-08-29T21:03:00.003-04:00

A movie about a dude who is obsessed with the title character from Saturday Night Fever? Is this a documentary about 4th-grade me? If it didn't take place in Chile, I would sue director Pablo Larrain and make him buy the rights for this story.

I really didn't know much about this movie except it was about a person who loves Saturday Night Fever. It turns out that the film was much darker than I expected. It actually had very sordid and disturbing subject matter. The protagonist is psychotic, violent, misogynistic, and downright scary. He kills someone because they stopped showing SNF at the movie theater and played Grease instead. Damn. Grease is an okay movie, bro!

3/5 pizzas

In the Loop (2009)

2009-08-29T20:51:00.003-04:00

Ahem, James Gandolfini is in a movie playing someone named General Miller (High Life). That is enough of a draw for me. It turns out this political satire is pretty dern funny, even though the C word is used way too much [that is to say, more than zero times]. I was laughing a lot during this movie in a theater with 4 other people who did not seem to really think it was funny.

Also, it turns out that the only place from which I know Mimi Kennedy [who did a great job as a bungling senator] is from Dharma and Greg. I hate myself.

4/5 pizzas

Woodstock (1970)

2009-08-29T20:38:00.005-04:00

Goddamn! Of course I watched the director's cut of this extremely long movie, bringing the run time to a total of 228 minutes. Guess what? Most of this movie is boring. But being a person who likes at least 10% of the bands at Woodstock, is interested in hippie rock festivals, and enjoys groundbreaking documentaries, I watched the movie anyway. It turns out that the only fun acts to play at Woodstock were Sha Na Na and Sly and the Family Stone. All the others were way to heavy, man. And I still don't like Janis Joplin.

It's not one of those movies that follows the clause that if one doesn't like the bands, one won't like the movie. This isn't the Last Waltz. The best parts of Woodstock is the interviews with the fans, the crazies that were tripped out. It was really neat to watch the planners and hear what they all had to say. It's cool to remember that the festival cost millions of dollars to put on and didn't bring back any money. Nice. And the best line of the movie is an early announcement to the crowd: "Don't eat the brown acid." I guess it was bad or something.

What this movie mad me realize was that it's okay to have OCD. I will never use a Porta Potty, roll around in mud, share joints with 500,000 strangers, or bring my baby to a three-day festival. I also figured out that if I did go to Woodstock, the experience + the acid sure as hell would've cured my OCD.

3/5 pizzas

Whisper of the Heart (1995)

2009-08-29T20:25:00.004-04:00

This movie is about libraries, ladies, fat cats, library book mysteries, and sustainability. These are all things I look for in a movie, minus a character that wears overalls. Anyway, this was highly recommended by one friend and strongly disliked by another. I lie in between. Yes, while some of the movie is slow, and this is only written by Miyazaki, it is still worth watching. One of the first lines in the movie is the mom asking her daughter Shizuku if she really needed a plastic bag to carry home the milk. Awesome!

3/5 pizzas

Smithereens (1982)

2009-08-29T20:00:00.006-04:00

Uh yes hello? Why didn't anyone tell me about this movie until this summer? Susan Seidelman [a lady, of Desperately Seeking Susan and one directing credit on Sex and the City fame] made this pretty okay movie about punk rock and New York. NEW YORK PUNK IS MY FAVORITE! I didn't even know Richard Hell acted, and he's all up in this movie being a jerk. Also, I watched the extras and saw an interview of his. He didn't age well. I guess he's now part of the ~~Blank~~ Wrinkled Generation.

Also, it seems that Susan Seidelman created Molly Ringwald, because Susan Berman looks just like Molly in this movie, and Molly wasn't in a big movie until 1984. Your welcome, John Hughes.Also, it seems that Susan Seidelman created Molly Ringwald, because Susan Berman looks just like Molly in this movie, and Molly wasn't in a big movie until 1984. Your welcome, John Hughes.

This movie is pretty fun, even though none of the characters have redeeming qualities. The protagonist Wren is really entitled and annoying, but she wears cute Chucks and dresses to make up for it. The deal is that she has left blue-collar New Jersey to move to New York to be a punk star. Sound familiar? Probably not, so click on the below image.

Another nice thing -- the actual band the Smithereens are from New Jersey. Oh hey!

4/5 pizzas

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

2009-08-29T17:21:00.004-04:00

Another Quentin Tarrantino movie?! Although he's not my favorite, why wouldn't I see this movie? It's got an all-star cast, Nazis, and France. The flick was fun for most of the time, but I would not go farther than saying that I moderately liked it. Many factors influenced my decision, including the venue in which we watched the flick. The joint is named "The Big Picture" and is a Seattle gem [I say this like I've not lived here for only 3 weeks]. The place is a really cool space in the basement of a fancy hotel; it looks like a gourmet restaurant; one is greeted by a hostess in a cocktail dress; one has to be 21 to enter; one can order cocktails or popcorn in glass buckets. The place spells Class with a capital C, people. I was feeling good until all the bjs in the audience kept getting up to get the classy popcorn and cocktails throughout the movie. People kept bringing in said foodstuffs and disrupting everything. At least other theaters that adhere to the same food-serving practices have engineered their theaters to make that service effective and unobtrusive.

Another major problem with this blowjob audience was that they laughed at all the wrong parts. Neither slicing people's foreheads open nor strangling ladies make me want to laugh. Extreme violence [which is not cartoon-like in this QT movie] is not really funny. It's serious, tense, maybe scary, disturbing. Shut up, audience! Stop knocking over your glass drinkware. You are so dumb.

Now, to discuss the actual movie. Carmel gave a very apt analysis of Inglourious Basterds by concluding that Quentin Tarrantino got the idea for the movie while watching the Oscars this year. "Hmm, WWII/Holocaust movies win big every year. Brad Pitt was in Benjamin Button, and that got a lot of nominations. How can I combine the two?" Right?

At least I liked some of the cast. Melanie Laurent, who I liked in another French movie with an impossible title, was slammin. So was the main Nazi, who had just the right amount of snarkiness and terror to be a good nazi. Also, I'd like to point out that another Nazi was named Zoller. Hmm. The best thing about this movie was that film itself was the hero! Boom, you're roasted, Nazis.

[Didn't the fire remind you of the ending, ever-so-terrifying scene in Raiders of the Lost Arc? I guess QT (who is not a cutie) watched that too.]

3/5 pizzas

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)

2009-08-29T17:07:00.003-04:00

For those of you who know me at all, you will maybe remember that Austin Powers:IMM is one of my all-time favorite movies. Eh, there's only 5 readers, and we're all close, so you definitely know that I love this movie. Austin Powers in my Spaceballs.

I don't think I have to defend myself here, but I'll do so anyway, because some of you are naysayers. Haters to the left, please. THIS MOVIE IS AWESOME!

Here's why:
1. Mike Myers pulls a Dick Van Dyke and plays multiple roles. Dr. Evil is one of the finest villains of our time. You may be thinking "Riiiiiiiiiiiiight," but he is.
2. Spoofs are often fun, and I'm totally into that British psychedelia.
3. Seth Green and Carrie Fisher share a scene together.
4. Mike Myers makes a hilarious-yet-offensive joke about a woman actually being a man. Transphobic, but funny, baby.
5. Did you listen to the soundtrack? Strawberry Alarm Clock + The Divinyls + Mike Myers/Ming Tea singing "BBC."

Okay okay, so maybe the movie exploits women's bodies a little bit, but its British, and sometimes international jokes don't translate well.

5/5 pizzas

District 9 (2009)

2009-08-29T16:53:00.002-04:00

I know everyone loves this movie, but Carmel Curtis [of the Brattle] and I lean towards not liking it. At best, it's just an average movie with substantial political commentary. I even started off liking District 9, since its documentary style was reminiscent of The Office, just plus aliens. For the most part, however, I thought the plot was a little ridiculous and melodramatic. There were a couple of points in the film when I was really excited -- when Wikus teams up with the aliens, when they try to break into the government building, stuff like that.

Despite its commitment to illustrating apartheid and racial tensions via human and alien relations, District 9 was a really racist movie. What a coincidence that the black people in the movie [the Nigerians] just happened to be wearing leopard print clothing, did tribal dancing, were into voodoo, and liked to eat aliens. They were just so animalistic! Ugh, gross, District 9. How could you do this?

2/5

Cache (2005)

2009-08-29T16:34:00.005-04:00

Tied with Funny Games as my favorite Michael Haneke movie, Cache is a solid movie that makes you rethink your childhood to make sure you weren't too mean to any kids so as you are not haunted by it later. This is movie is really suspenseful, people. I totally eat up French movies, as you may know, but I will devour anything that involves videos, voyeurism, and scary crayon drawings. I will continue this metaphor of consumption and say that I will gorge myself on any movie with all of this good thematic stuff + Juliette Binoche. I think this is one of her best roles as the wife of Daniel Auteuil [the only French actor along with Audrey Tautou.]

Maybe the real reason I like this movie so much isn't the suspense, the thrill, the psychological torture --- but maybe the impressive bookshelf collection that the protagonists have.

5/5 pizzas

Hannah and her Sisters (1986)

2009-08-29T14:44:00.004-04:00

This is my favorite Woody Allen movie after Annie Hall. Not only does it take place in New York, but it features one of my favorite actors [Dianne Wiest]. I would also argue that this is Michael Caine's second-best movie after Muppet Christmas Carol.

I also concluded that Woody Allen's character Mickey Sachs is my favorite role that he plays. I totally can identify with a hypochondriac who only feels better when he watches Duck Soup.

5/5 pizzas

Cold Souls (2009)

2009-08-29T00:10:00.002-04:00

Welcome to a movie I felt like I've seen before. Think of Eternal Sunshine [memory erasure vs. soul extraction] meets Synecdoche, NY [overpowering physical ailments] plus Charlie Kaufman's alter ego Nick Cage in Adaptation who has anxieties. Basically, this movie's got all the shpilkes of Charile Kaufman plus the shpilkes and narcissism of Woody Allen. That's not to say Paul isn't likeable and complex, let alone kind of looking a bit better than ugly since he's rockin that beard.

Obviously, Sophie Barthes [the director and probably Roland Barthes's cousin or granddaughter] likes Kaufman movies, but so do people who only consume liquid mustard. Lots of people like old Charlie. This is not enough of a reason to like this movie. And I'm still not all clear on how I feel about it. I definitely like the concept of being able to remove one's soul because it's getting to heavy, man. And I like the idea that soul trafficking is a business maybe inspired by a certain band that we like. Unfortunately, I don't love Paul's character in this movie because we don't get to know him all that well. I thought too much focus was placed on the business of soul trafficking in Russia. Luckily, a pivotal Russian actress was in this movie, so I was happy. Plus it had Lauren Ambrose and David Strathairn!

4/5 pizzas

Supervixens (1975)

2009-08-22T21:38:00.006-04:00

Having seen only one other Russ Meyer movie [Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!], I kind of wanted to see others, since I like watching movies and since 90% of movies from the 1970s are some kind of 'sploitation movies. That is an actual statistic.

As far as I can tell, Meyer's movies are mostly misogynistic, silly, and not that exciting [even though I like Faster Pussycat just okay]. Nevertheless, I watched Supervixens. What a bad decision! Lots of misogyny and violence, people. NOT COOL. Also, this movie was over 2 hours and extremely dumb. It's in the running for one of my top 5 least favorite movies.

0/5 pizzas

Three Kings (1999)

2009-08-22T21:05:00.006-04:00

Disappointed! I had semi-high expectations for this movie since someone with high movie correlation to me recommended it. I didn't know all too much about this movie except the preview for it back in the day featured an actor singing "We three kings be stealin' the gold." Very catchy. Besides having the divine George Clooney [and the not-divine-but-impressive Marky Mark and Ice Cube] in it, Three Kings was a pretty lame movie. It's way over 2 hours - that's faux pas #1. Next, it pretty much glorifies American troops in the Gulf War -- f.p. #2. And most importantly, the story is not that exciting.

The film does, however, jumpstart the careers of some very important Arrested Development stars.

And surprise! Spike Jonze is billed as the #4 cast member. Weird.

2/5 pizzas

Thirst (Bakjwi) (2009)

2009-08-22T20:30:00.004-04:00

This is my favorite movie that came out this year. Look how hot it looks.

Moon was good, but this was great. As a fan of Oldboy, I was really excited to see Thirst. If the Landmark Theater had not wronged us*, then I would have had a perfect movie-viewing experience. The film itself is beautiful -- a bunch of really striking shots, gorgeous color contrasts [blood against a neon-white room], etc. Here is what I am talking about:

And the suspense! And the horror, oh the horror! Thirst is basically the South Korean version of The Thornbirds + vampires. WHAT MORE CAN I ASK FOR IN A MOVIE? Kang-ho Song and Ok-vin Kim are really great in this too. Look what great chemistry they have!

I won't give a plot overview because I don't want to ruin anything. But seriously, go see this. It's top notch.

*I officially hate the Landmark Varsity Theater in the Univ. District of Seattle. First of all, since it was a Landmark, we thought they'd give us free popcorn. WRONG. Turns out we scarfed down that extra-large bag of popcorn before the first credit for nothing. When we tried to get our rightful refill, they said "Those are the breaks." Unbelievable. Then, we noticed that they do a "Can you name these ten head shots of Hollywood stars" contest. Of course, we guessed all the ones on the sample card outside, but when we went in there were different starlets. Plus you can't win your free tickets on the spot. Then, they didn't give a student discount. Then they made us go to the 3rd floor for bathrooms. Otherwise, the theater is magnificent and it's my favorite in the city [aesthetically speaking].

5/5 pizzas

La Pointe Courte

2009-08-21T20:21:00.006-04:00

Another French movie? What's going on, right? Well, I wanted to finish watching all of the main Agnes Varda movies, and now I have, so great. This is her first film and it's about a couple who maybe have some problems. It takes place in a small fishing village that is blighted with BOREDOM. It was difficult to watch this 80-minute movie because it was dull with a capital D. The only good thing about this movie was a series of weird shots that resemble the photo above. Also, as Carmel pointed out, Varda likes for her male actors to have the same haircut she does [see the above dude].

2/5 pizzas

Love and Death (1975)

2009-08-21T19:54:00.002-04:00

Besides Bananas, I am not much of a fan of the Slapstick Woody Allen movies. Yes, we can tell you like Russian novels. Yes, we can tell that you like Ingmar Bergman. Yes, we can also tell that you still hate women. There were just too many jokes about breasts and pedophilia in this. Oh well.

2/5 pizzas

Sophie's Choice (1982)

2009-08-21T19:46:00.002-04:00

This may be Meryl Streep's best role, people. I love this movie so hard. Despite my affections for this movie, I was not really in the mood to watch it again since I remembered the detrimental effects it has had on me. I got sucked in when my pals watched it, though, because it is so good.

That is all I have to say.

5/5 pizzas

Streets of Fire (1984)

2009-08-21T19:26:00.004-04:00

"I don't ask for much, so do this one thing for me: make this the first movie in your queues. I need everyone I know and care about to watch it, so i can disown anyone who dislikes it."
-- Wm. Miles Donovan

Hmm, troublesome. Our Consigliere Miles Donovan advised that we watch this movie, as he loved it and it is a top favorite of a local movie theater owner that we love to hate. I was promised awesomeness -- sledge hammer duels, motorcycles, explosions, etc. Usually I am the Debbie Downer that dislikes these kinds of movies, while my other, more open-minded friends give them a break. Fortunately, our group at the Maxi Pad concurred that Streets of Fire, despite its 15 minutes of awesomeness, was categorically not awesome. The sledge-hammer fight scene featuring Willem Dafoe is cool, but it barely lasts 5 minutes. Most of the movie was pretty slow and dare I say it -- boring. I'm not alone in this school of thought, either.

Things I loved about this movie: cameo from The Chief of television's Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?; Rick Moranis, an excellent soundtrack featuring the song "I Can Dream About You"; maybe this movie was inspired by a Bruce Springsteen song; an extremely lesbian-ish co-protagonist.

Here is a song that is also good by Hall and Oates:

2/5 pizzas

Reality Bites (1994)

2009-08-21T19:01:00.006-04:00

Okay, people. I have been known to pontificate that the best movie from the period of 1990-1995 is Pulp Fiction. I still believe this, but another pre-Titanic 90s movie that I love is Reality Bites. Not by any means is this movie a quali-T movie, but it is awesome and important to me, okay? I often like to pretend that my hay-day was in the early to mid-nineties, but really I was just in first grade then. Reality Bites is incredibly 90s-tastic. What other 1994 movie features floral dresses, a Violent Femmes cover, and Diet Cokes? Basically, Reality Bites is the movie version of My So-Called Life: The Post-College Years.

This movie is the perfect Ijustgraduatedfromcollegeandiamkindofaninterestingpersonwhocantfindajob movie, so I made my friends watch it in our movie/blanket room the other day. We can totally relate.

As many other young laydees, I identify with Winona Ryder. That's probably because of her other movie, but she's okay in this one too. Unfortunately, Carmel got to be Winona because she is interested in broadcasting. Sade was Janeane Garofalo, who's into vintage, Saturday Night Fever [I'm into SNF as well], works at the Gap, and is successful with the fellas. I was Ethan Hawke [even though I'm really Winona] because he works at a newsstand, steals snicker bars, and reads fancy books. Chris was Steve Zahn's character, who besides being gay, didn't really contribute anything to the movie. Sorry, Chris.

Another thing we all had in common with the characters was that we love convenience stores and how they always sell Big Gulps.

Anyway, if wish you were old enough to have seen Kurt Cobain's death on MTV news, then you should watch this movie. Ahem, it's directed by Ben Stiller!

5/5 pizzas

Destry Rides Again (1939)

2009-08-19T20:23:00.005-04:00

Look at that mise-en-scene, people. That is a great shot.

I hadn't seen this movie in at least 10 years, so I thought it deserved a second viewing. Turns out, it did and I really liked it. Marlene Dietrich [who is billed before James Stewart] plays a dance hall woman/saloon singer and the unofficial mayor of this town that has gone to hell in a hand-basket. Her boyfriend is played by Brian Donlevy who plays one of my all-time favorite villains in Beau Geste [see it]. He is a really crooked gambler and murderer, but he sports the perfect, pencil-thin villain mustache.

Jimmy Stewart is no slouch, either. This is one of his early-ish roles, so he is looking like a youthful, healthy babe. My friends and I have a theory that Jimmy Stewart went through a time warp or something, because he goes from Mr.-Smith-Goes-to-Washington Jimmy Stewart straight to Rear-Window Jimmy Stewart without really aging in between. Where are his 30s and 40s? Anyway, he plays this awesome deputy that comes to clean up the town, except he doesn't believe in guns, but instead "peace" as he puts it. Awesome. He is super smart and even eventually wins the bad guy's girlfriend's heart because he is so awesome.

My favorite part in the movie and the only scene I remembered from my first viewing is when Jimmy Stewart suggests to Marlene that she should wipe away some of her makeup since she is so naturally beautiful. This scene is actually really moving, people.

4/5 pizzas

Men In Black (1997)

2009-08-19T20:09:00.002-04:00

Okay, this movie is way high brow. See that phallic symbol Tommy is holding? That's an erase memory stick. This movie addresses the issue of memory in a very subtle way, just like Proust and Michel Gondry. That's way existential. Additionally, this movie takes some very strong, bleeding-heart stands on political issues.

1. In the first scene, Tommy Lee Jones speaks out against xenophobia and allows "illegal aliens" from Mexico to enter the US. Immigrants rights, y'all!

2. When Vincent D'Onofrio yells at his wife for not making him a steak for dinner or preparing his cigars and dressing gown, he gets zapped and turned into an alien zombie. Feminisms!

3. Will Smith gets hired to be a Man in "Black" over all those over-qualified West Point grads and the other white fellas in the room. And not just because he's black, but because he's awesome. Anti-classism/privilege and pro-affirmative action and anti-racism!

Thank you MIB for addressing all these high brow/profound issues. I'm sorry you weren't a better movie.

2/5 pizzas

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

2009-08-19T19:55:00.004-04:00

Alright, I'm already fed up with Quentin because his movies use the N word like it's no big deal. Now I have to sit through another movie and hear "Bitch" like it ain't no thang. Vivaca A. Fox should not be calling Uma a B, and vice verse. They should be best friends and lesbian separatists and join the Combahee River Collective, not kill each other! Feminism, you guys. Sisterhood -- ever heard of it?

While this movie has incredible fight scenes that are full of awesome stunts, it was very difficult for me to stomach all of the violence. I found myself cringing for most of the movie. And I barely got to see Michael Madsen at all.

3/5 pizzas

Mississippi Mermaid (1969)

2009-08-19T19:35:00.005-04:00

I was in a bad mood when I went to see this movie because we were expecting to see Objectified [like it said on the marquis], but we found that this Truffaut movie was playing instead. It looks like someone at the Northwest Film Forum should stop listening to DC hardcore and learn to change signs so that he doesn't ruin people's evenings with French films. For those of you who don't go to the NWFF, there is a guy there who only wears a Bad Brains t-shirt and books hardcore shows at the theater. Whatever.

So we watched Mississippi ~~Masala~~ Mermaid and guess what? Viewing it reinforced my theory that I'd already seen the handful of enjoyable Truffaut movies. Seeing Jean-Paul Belmondo and Catherine Deneuve [two of France's finest actors] co-star together was the equivalent of seeing Kate and Leo [two of our finest actors] on screen, so that was exciting.

The movie itself was very melodramatic, gushy, mushy, patriarchal, misogynistic, and generally irksome. JP is hopelessly in love with Catherine even after she deceives him, steals from him, nearly has him imprisoned, and tries to kill him. L'amour is blind, I guess. Gross!

There's one thing I really loved about this movie: Catherine has just about the best bee hive hairdos -- even better than Kate from the B-52s.

1/5 pizzas

Winchester '73

2009-08-19T19:21:00.003-04:00

I'd like to do a quick translation of this Italian poster: It describes Jimmy Stewart as the "Most masculine actor of the screen." Damn, if Italians think he's manly, then he must be. Maybe my friend who thinks he's more of a babe than Cary Grant isn't a lesbian like we thought she was.

This movie is just okay. Of course, it's great to see James Stewart in anything. It's even better to see Jimmy toting around a big rifle and fighting with his brother/husband about it. Homoeroticism anyone?! It's actually not as hot as I make it sound.

Did I mention that Shelley Winters is in this? She wears a lot of plaid.

2/5 pizzas

Them (1954)

2009-08-19T19:15:00.004-04:00

This movie is incredibly boring for being a story about giant ants that attack a desert town. Only during a couple of scenes do we see actual ants eating people or getting burnt to a crisp. Most of the time, Edmund Gwenn and a team of investigators just ask people questions about the ants.

"Did you see anything strange?"
"Yes, officer, I saw a print. An ant print."
"Why don't you show me this ant print, son."
"Golly, officer, we have to waste at least 10 more minutes in this scene before I can show you the marking, so why don't you ask me some other questions about what the footprint looked like."

2/5 pizzas

Jackie Brown (1997)

2009-08-19T18:50:00.006-04:00

It took me a long time to see this movie, as I was a little preoccupied in 1997. I remember when my parents went to go see it though, and I was all "Who is that very ugly man who keeps making all these with guns and the N word?"

Come to think of it, Robert De Niro is lookin pretty gross in this movie too:

Yikes! You know who is actually looking great for a middle-aged person in this movie? Pam Grier. That's right. She is such a fox, and I'm going to go ahead and guess that this is her best role ever. Despite all the problems with racism and patriarchy in this movie, it's good to know that Jackie Brown is a really smart hero. A dollop of feminism is nice in a movie that broke the mold with the usage of the N word. Great job, Tarantino.

Plot-wise, this movie is pretty exciting. You know, is has shootings, car chases, malls, soul music, sexual intercourse, smuggling, disgusting facial hair, and a 3rd-generation Fonda.

I must reiterate that Jackie Brown is a foxy mastermind. I'm sorry that some people who do impeccable Quentin Tarantino impersonations don't really like this movie.

4/5 pizzas

Movern Callar (2002)

2009-08-19T18:24:00.004-04:00

You see this picture? This is how I felt for most of this movie -- bored, drained, tired, uncomfortable because I was lying on the floor, probably cold [this movie takes place in the winter], thinking about pizza [this movie would have been better if Morvern Callar liked pizza more]. The basic plot - without ruining too much - is that Morvern Callar is a person with weird name and a Scottish accent. Her boyfriend offs himself and she is upset, so she decides to submit his novel as her own [dishonest but smart] and uses his set-aside funeral money for a Spanish vacation. This lady is really smart, but really unsavory.

Here are some good things about the movie: Samantha Morton is becoming a favorite actor of mine. In America! Minority Report! Synecadoush, NY! These are all great movies [I saw Minority Report and Syn, NY twice in theaters], and Samantha Morton is really good at acting. Sometimes she makes bad decisions about what movies she's in though, like this time and that other time. Another good thing about this movie is that it's directed by a woman [Lynne Ramsey] and that it deals with feminism question mark. It seems that Morvern is trapped in her hetero relationship and convention and only experiences freedom when she escapes these things. Question mark, though.

Bad things about this movie: It's boring and slow. It's pretentious. I had to listen to Boards of Canada on the soundtrack. Unacceptable!

Here is a picture to remind you all that Minority Report is a great movie:

3/5 pizzas

The Three Faces of Eve (1957)

2009-08-18T19:47:00.002-04:00

Man, it is really hard to keep up with reviewing movies if you don't have the Internet at home. Even though Seattle is the Hollywood of coffee shops, and even the grocery store has free wireless, it is still difficult to write about stuff. The 4ish people that read this blog will understand, I trust.

In other news, my review of Annie Hall was linked to on another website, so cool:
http://www.onlygoodmovies.com/blog/movie-megalists/75-comedy-films-to-see-before-you-die/

In other other news, I didn't really care for The Three Faces of Eve. Joanne Woodward is a pretty good actor and all, but the movie is definitely melodramatic and a bit dumb. I guess this is the only movie I've seen about multiple personality disorder, so I don't have much to compare it to. Nevertheless, this flick reinforces my #1 philosophy that patriarchy is everywhere. Eve gets hit A LOT in this movie because she has a mental issue going on. I don't remember Humbert Humbert getting beaten up in that Kubrick movie, and he was totally mad. Unfair.

3/5 pizzas

Ponyo (2009)

2009-08-15T20:07:00.003-04:00

Ponyo, ponyo, ponyo, fishie in the sea! Cute is about the only adjective that can describe this movie. But not too cute -- just enough cute that you don't hate your country for needing to dub over this Japanese movie with Tina Fey's voice.

This movie is top notch, y'all. It's about a boy who becomes best friends with a fish. It also features feminism, sustainability, and the best movie theme song in a while. Thanks, Miyazaki!

5/5 pizzas

I Walked With a Zombie (1943)

2009-08-14T22:19:00.006-04:00

Because it was recommended by a pal, I watched I Walked With a Zombie sooner rather than later. I then remembered that maybe I wasn't really supposed to waste my time with it after the first 10 minutes. It's no big loss, though, because this movie was only 70 minutes. It's one of those Val Lewton horror B-movies, except its kitsch factor was minimal and was completely and totally eclipsed by the film's racism and boring plot. One lady is maybe a zombie and her nurse [the protagonist and narrator] goes to a St. Sebastian island in the Caribbean to take care of her. When the nurse arrives, she comments to her cab driver [who is black] that "Wasn't it nice that those white men brought those black people to this beautiful island?" Problems. I probably don't even have to mention the issues presented by the topics of Voodoo and tribal dancing in this movie. It's even worse than King Kong in that respect.

Also, it turns out the Tom Conway in the movie is not the Conaway I was thinking of.

1/5 pizzas

The Ring (2002)

2009-08-14T22:03:00.003-04:00

Oh my god, this movie is so good. Instead of looking for job this morning I watched The Ring [in Japanese that's Ringu]. Naomi Watts is a slammin investigator in this. Great job. The plot had me guessing and the music was gorgeous. Very scary and well-done. I also learned a lot about video tape editing, so I can add it to my resume.

5/5 pizzas

Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993)

2009-08-14T21:48:00.005-04:00

Wait, I have a strange sensation that I've already seen this movie, but with better characters and a more suspenseful story. A murder in New York takes place and voyeurs and snoops solve the crime, and the crime brings the couple closer together? And the villain resembles Raymond Burr. What movie is this? Okay, I'm using a technique called "sarcasm" to relay my disappointment and simultaneous amusement with this Woody Allen movie. Yes, it's great that Woody likes movies so much and that he makes his own movies as an homage to past ones [Rear Window in this case], but really -- at some point maybe you don't actually have a super awesome idea for a movie. Maybe don't make a movie for one year. It's totally okay.

While I thought Rear Window was a better movie, Manhattan Murder Mystery was pretty fun. Its cast features the First Lady of Cinema, Angelica Houston, Alan Alda [feminist], Aida Tuturro and Jerry Adler [both of Sopranos fame]. Also, the last scene of the movie mirrors [get it?] the mirror scene from The Lady from Shanghai. People shoot each other amidst mirrors, and the mirrors reflect scenes from The Lady from Shanghai because it is playing in the movie theater where the shooting is taking place. Rad!

3/5 pizzas

The House of Yes (1997)

2009-08-14T21:16:00.004-04:00

Finally! My crew and I are back into the swing of things, thus watching more than .5 movies a day. As per a minor obsession with Parker Posey and the high recommendations from an institution, we watched The House of Yes. More like House of No, right fellas?

The movie was pretty dumb -- almost as dumb as Freddie Prinze Jr., my former boyfriend in 7th grade. Wait, he was in this movie? And with whom did he co-star? Yes, that's right, Tori Spelling. This movie had a real brain trust going. Nothing makes you more in favor of required sterilization than seeing both FPj and TS on screen together. Now that's bad acting.

Parker Posey is obviously the diamond in the rough of this movie, but that's not saying much. Her deal is that she thinks she is Jackie O. and her brother is JFK. Pretty hot right? Turns out incest isn't that great. It was nice to tease the brother-sister pair that watched the movie, though.

1/5 pizzas

Annie Hall (1977)

2009-08-13T16:05:00.006-04:00

Anyway, there isn't much to say about Annie Hall except that it is one of my favorite movies and it's awesome. I wouldn't write about it except that it acts as 50% of the total movies I've watched in this town. I'm so ashamed. Things are busy, though, you know?

It is always a good idea to watch movies about the east coast when you live on a coast where the only cultural advantage is to make a right turn on red.

Also:

This is where we watched Annie Hall. Our house has 7 rooms, but we use this one for everything, including movie watching and sleep and fashion shows.

Here is a fashion show about movies.

5/5 pizzas

The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005)

2009-08-11T14:08:00.005-04:00

Okay, I moved to a new coast this week and this severely diminished my movie watching success. For example, I only watched 1 movie since Thursday. Meanwhile, my good pal is rapidly approaching 300 [I am on 267]. Besides spending a lot of time packing, shipping, unpacking, and flying, I also don't have the internet at home yet, so no blogging there. Moving to a city with 1000 coffee shops, however, allows for me to buy 1 cup of coffee and then 1. Blog and 2. Find a job. Only one of those has been successful. Did you know that Seattle is the Hollywood of coffee shops? Instead of submitting a head shot, I need to write cover letters. For coffee.

Anyway, I watched 40-year-old Virgin at the airport, and it was kind of embarrassing hearing the P and F words screeching from your computer into children's ears. Actually, that was funny. The movie, however, wasn't that great. It was very misogynistic and a bit gross. Look at this picture above.

I must agree with my pal, though, in saying there is one scene in the movie that shouldn't be funny but is.

They aren't cats and dogs in the movie, though.

2/5 pizzas

The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai (1984)

2009-08-06T00:47:00.003-04:00

Disappointed! My dumb friends recommended this movie as being "awesome," but I really thought it wasn't. I only called them dumb because they must have poor judgment skills from time to time. Maybe they're just misinformed. My problem with this movie was that Jeff Goldblum was in it for about 10 minutes. Also, the plot was incredibly convoluted -- too convoluted to be an interesting or fun Sci-Fi movie. Peter Weller is not a good actor either. And John Lithgow does a shitty shitty fake Italian accent. Alright, so there are multiple problems.

The only funny thing about Buckaroo Bonzai besides the title is that Jeff Goldblum's cowboy character is from Fort Lee, NJ.

2/5 pizzas